All I Do Is Jew

5 Perfect Holidays Combinations

With the inaugural Thanksgivukkah (the combination holiday of Thanksgiving and Chanukah) coming up I sat back and thought of some other holiday combinations that are not only necessary, but actually truly good ideas.

July 4th and Christmas

The 4th of July is a celebration of America’s freedom from the British and Christmas is a celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ.  Somehow these holidays have become about fireworks and a fat guy in a red suit leaving presents under a tree. 

Combined these holidays can give us the greatest present of all: trying to explain to the children how the fireworks don’t hit Santa Claus’s sleigh.  If you can convince your kid of that, then you’ve got a real winner there.

Yom Kippor and New Years Eve

On Yom Kippor the Jewish people partake in a day long fast to be forgiven for their sins of the past year.  On New Years Eve people make a list of New Years resolutions about how they are going to better themselves in the coming year. 

These days could easily combined as within a week everyone has given up on bettering themselves and falls back into the same ways of not exercising and eating non-kosher foods.  It’ll also give us a great visual of a lot of people counting down until they can eat again, that’s for sure better than a stupid ball drop.

Columbus Day and Valentines Day

Columbus day celebrates the life achievements of Christopher Columbus, which, if you take a close look at, consisted of enslaving an entire race of people.  Lets stay with the summary view of the holiday, say ‘YAY AMERICA!’ and celebrate the 40% off sale your favorite store is having.  Valentines Day is about loving someone else and buying them the thing you saw in the most recent jewelry commercial.  Don’t forget, nothing says love like spending a LOT of money.  

If we combine these holidays we show our loved ones just how much we love, at a discount because your favorite store will be having a sale.

Mothers Day and Passover

Passover is a celebration of the Jews leaving Egypt and it is commemorated by not eating anything that is ‘levined’ (see: bread).  Mothers Day is a celebration of mothers for doing mothering things.  A common tradition is to cook breakfast for mom and bring it to her in bed. 

This always ends in disaster as everything gets spilled all over the bed and the food is generally terrible because children cannot cook.  This combo gets rid of the wasteful cooking for mother idea as any breakfast food without bread sucks.

New Years Day and Halloween

New Years Day is all about doing nothing because you’re probably hung over from New Years Eve.  Halloween is all about giving out candy to children.  Well, nothing is better for a hangover than candy.

If New Years Day is also Halloween then there will be candy in the house for you to eat.  So what if you eat all the candy and have none left to give to the trick-or-treaters?  You’re saving their teeth from all the sugar…or something like that.  Who cares you’re hung-over.